“The last of the human freedoms: to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way…Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom; which determined whether or not you become the plaything to circumstance, renouncing freedom and dignity…”
Victor Frankl, concentration camp survivor, author ofMan’s Search for Meaning
“Dan doesn’t have any choices,” a friend said, referring to his brother.
What do you mean, I asked?
Dan keeps repeating the same behaviors that don’t get him the results he wants. “He told me he doesn’t have other choices. Since he doesn’t think he has choices, in effect he doesn’t, said my friend.
My friend’s perspective gave me pause. And a starting point for this blog. My friend’s comment provides a simple reminder that in every circumstance, we have a choice.
For 5 years, I volunteered to teach in a program in a woman’s prison called Making Choices. The program consisted of eight 2 hour classes and eight 2 hour individual mentoring sessions. Each participant explored with her mentor how to apply the concepts learned in class to their lives.
The program reduced the recidivism rate from 72% for prisons statewide to 15% (ck statistics, see if Peggy remembers)
Often the women landed in prison because of repeated reactive behavior. We taught about reactive cycles and how to interrupt those cycles by making different choices. We also taught how to brainstorm choices and evaluate them based on what was most important to each participant.
I never enjoyed going into the prison. I hated the sound of bars as we entered different areas, until we arrived at the classroom building. It was always worth it, however, because there were many holy moments in class.
One night I felt inspired to begin the class with the question: What’s something that you’ve learned that you’ve implemented?
Helen said: I was cleaning in a secure area and began to feel panicky. I talked to the guard who said I had to keep cleaning. I ended up losing it and was told that the next day, I would be put in Unit 5 (one of the most secure and restricted areas).
I thought, if I’m going to have to go to Unit 5, I might as well beat up Miranda because she pissed me off last week. Then I realized if I beat up Miranda, I’d have to stay in Unit 5 longer. If I didn’t, I might be able to explain to someone what happened and get out earlier.
She chose not to beat up Miranda and was able to explain her situation and was released back to her unit.
One class exercise involved taping a piece of paper to each woman’s back and asking the women to write a positive impression of the woman on the paper. At the end of the exercises, the teachers took the papers, and stood in front of each woman and read the paper to her. Do you know people see you as strong, kind, a leader…
One night, after this exercise, Betty said “for 20 years I’ve been doing this behavior, and it stops now.” I knew that Betty would never return to prison.
Fast forward to a fundraising event for program. Betty was a guest speaker. She related her experience in a job interview.
Interviewer: So, Betty, what strengths do you bring to our organization?
Betty: For twenty years I was a drug dealer. I never came up short in my cash and I can talk to pretty much anyone.
Betty got the job!
When have you focused on a choice that you could make even if it seemed as if had few options?
